Let’s talk about my Nigerian Wedding – Part 1

It’s been exactly 2 days, 5 hours, and about 20 minutes since I last cried about my wedding. I know, I know... it sounds dramatic.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m obsessed with the fact that I’m marrying my person. I’m excited, grateful, and still randomly smiling at the thought of it, like a kid in the candy store. But planning a wedding when you already have an anxious brain? Yeah… that one is a lot.

I hate to say it, but your anxiety will grow louder during wedding planning. It activates parts of you that you thought were healed. Suddenly you’re over-explaining your choices, reading into people’s tones, feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions, and wondering, “Wait… why do I feel like this?”

I’m a Type A girlie, so before I even met my soulmate, I had already planned my wedding: Pinterest boards, dream ring, wedding dresses, the whole thing. I am that type of girl. The morning after we got engaged, I went straight into planning mode. I made a PowerPoint of our wedding flow (because I love structure), briefed my planning committee (my best friends), sent links, pictures, videos, and the full presentation. I don’t leave anything to chance; I plan my life, and our wedding isn’t falling short. I lasted exactly 24 hours before I started to spiral.

The perfectionist in me wants everything to be perfect, for me, my partner, our parents, and our guests. And I’m realising in real time that this is fully impossible. No amount of advice or TikToks could have prepared me for this phase. You have to be living it to truly understand.

So, whether you’re an incoming bride, groom, or you’re just here for gbeborun, here are a few things I wish I knew earlier, and take note of them too:

1. Brief your partner about your dream proposal. That man is not a mind reader. If you don’t like public proposals, say it. Give specifics. I told my man what I wanted (even though I changed my mind every weekday lol), but there were constants. no public crowd, no signage,  ensure I have flowers, and someone to capture the moment. And I got exactly that.

2.

Soak up the newly engaged bliss. You actually have time to plan a wedding. What you don’t have is unlimited time to enjoy the bubble.

I finally understand why some people keep their engagement private.  I announced mine three days after it happened, mostly because it was getting hard to control others breaking the news for us. And somehow, people’s excitement made me rush into the planning phase so early, I forgot how being engaged was infact a big moment that needs to be savoured. Which brings me to the next point.

3. People will ask you plenty of questions. Most congratulations come with:

“So when is the wedding?”
“What are your colours?”
“Have you booked this vendor?”
“Where is it happening?”

Bruh. We just arrived. Can we sit down first? Then there’s the second category: people pitching their businesses. I like a good pitch, actually. I was just shocked at how quickly I started getting daily notifications of services being offered to me. Wedding planning turns you into a walking billboard.

 4. Not every opinion deserves a response. You will get both solicited and unsolicited advice. Some people mean well. Others are just projecting their fears, trauma, and unfinished business. As the bride or groom, remember: Silence is a strategy. You’re allowed to listen without agreeing. 

5. Stop over-explaining your decisions. This one makes me laugh because December me was explaining the same choices to everyone like I was on a press tour.

Some people will get it the first time and support you. Others will sit on your ideas, question them, and make you feel guilty. To survive wedding planning, you need the right allies. Two or three is enough. Less is better. The right people don’t need convincing.

6. If something feels heavy or rushed… pause. I personally shut down all wedding conversations between 6 and 7 pm daily. Protect your mental health like your life depends on it, because honestly, it does.

Pressure is inevitable, but you control the tap, when to open it, and when to close it. The funny part? The wedding will come and go, and most of the things we’re stressing about won’t even matter. So yes, protect your mental health at all costs.

7. Nigerians care more about weddings than marriages. Nobody asks if you’re emotionally prepared, but everyone knows the aso ebi situation. Please go for marriage counselling. Love is beautiful, but it’s not enough. There are important conversations you must have that go far beyond colours and venues.

8. Wedding planning doesn’t change people. It reveals them. And sometimes that clarity hurts. But it also protects you.

Some people will show up in ways you never expected, the quiet supporters, the ones who ask “what do you want?” and actually jump into action.

Others will be loud, opinionated, and emotionally triggered by decisions that have nothing to do with them.

Don’t take the second group personally. But the first group? Never forget them.

This season also made me realise I wasn’t there enough for some of my friends when they got married. In my next blog, I’ll share how to show up because humans are very, very interesting when it comes to support during sensitive times like this.

9. Pray o. The enemy is plotting daily for your marriage, and it shows up in the most ordinary things. If you’re not discerning, you’ll think life is just lifing. But please.

Pray. God MUST be the center of everything. He is your ONLY source.

10. You will fight with your partner. But remember: it’s not you vs him. It’s both of you vs the world.

Your partner is not the weapon formed against you. The real enemies are:

• Egos, expectations, and lack of boundaries among friends, families, institutions, and society
• vendors with no integrity,
• financial stress,
• and Nigeria (because I blame everything on the man with the infinity cap).

Be in one accord. Don’t let people, pressure, or planning steal your unity. Protect your relationship more than you protect the wedding. Because at the end of the day, the wedding is an event. The marriage is the real project.

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