You’re THE villain, and that’s okay, too

A little over a week ago, I had an epiphany. I realized: I am not 100% a good person (I can see my closest friends reading this and nodding their head vigorously like durrh yes!), but for real, I am not. I think I live in a slightly delusional universe where everything centers around me and everyone loves me. I mean, who wouldn’t? Just take a look at me. No, look at me! – I am beautiful, Intelligent, kind-hearted, and I can continue, but y’all will think I am too full of myself, and yes, rightly so, but I am also full of red flags.  

It’s hard sitting with this jarring realization. And I’ve had to face this reality more than once in recent times.

The first wake-up call was a disagreement with one of my best friends, Mona. We've been ride-or-die for over 15 years. We hardly ever fight, but this one time we did, and it hit differently. Things got heated. I was convinced she was wrong. She was equally convinced I was. I kept replaying the conversation until it hit me, I was so wrapped up in my ego that I couldn’t see her pain. I was too focused on being right to notice where I’d gone wrong.

The second moment came with my man. (First time mentioning him in my writing. Oops.😊) I won’t get into the details, but let’s just say by the end of the night, I had to sit with myself and admit, “Girl, you’re the witch here.” And that self-awareness hit hard.

It can be so easy to forget that sometimes we are the damsel in distress, and other times, we are the dragon storming the castle. But here's what I want to say: that doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.

There will be times in life when you’re the one who gets hurt, and there will be other times when you’re the one doing the hurting, whether intentionally or not. Maybe your friend feels unseen because you’re too self-absorbed to check in. Maybe your partner feels unappreciated because you’ve been so focused on how you feel. Maybe someone out there still carries a version of you that you're no longer proud of.

It’s painful to admit, but it’s also freeing.

I just think recognizing your red flags isn’t a death sentence but a starting point. It means you’re learning to see yourself clearly. And when we see ourselves clearly, we get to choose growth over denial, self-awareness over shame, and accountability over pride.

We all have our flaws. We all carry scars, and sometimes, we leave them on others. The key is to be quick to catch ourselves, to take responsibility when it matters, and to commit to doing better.

So, maybe you are the villain in someone’s story. Maybe you have been the storm. The fire. The heartbreak. But maybe… that’s okay, too.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying. Failing. Healing. Loving. Hurting. Learning.

We’re all just human. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.

P.S. If being a villain is putting yourself first, asserting boundaries, not caring what other people think, and stopping people-pleasing, then please have a seat, welcome to the dark side; I’ll be serving margaritas.

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